May 11, 20026
Always, when I think of Grandma, which is surprisingly often, considering how long she's been gone, it's with wonderful and happy memories. She was lovely, kind, gentle, quiet and projected unconditional love. She made me feel special and I knew she was interested in my thoughts and feelings.
I'm speaking of age 6 to 11 or 12 when I spent every summer at Caryl Ave. I couldn't wait to go! I loved the big house and all the stairs and Grandpa's beautiful flower gardens. They were amazing on the whole left side of the yard. He spent a lot of time out there on summer evenings and Grandma always had some cut flowers that he had brought in for her. How sweet for such a gruff seeming man.
Every morning after breakfast, she would sit at the dining room table and make up her 'menus' and shopping list. I loved going shopping with her all the way to the A&P on South Broadway. It was a long walk and she always was dressed nicely and wore medium high heels. Those were the only type of shoes I ever saw her wear, inside and out and all the day long. No lace-up oxfords for her! She had a nice polished leather purse too. I don't remember any jewelry but perhaps she wore something very simple besides her wedding ring.
We would shop in the afternoon, after lunch and on the way home, she would sometimes stop and visit her friend in the apartment building next door on the right. She (the friend) was known to the family as "Grandma's Jewish friend". Everyone loved her because she was so kind, even during Grandma's illnesses which must have been a tremendous help and comfort since she suffered so much for so long.
So we'd get our packages home and the first thing Grandma would do (after putting the kettle on for tea, of course) was to check the receipt meticulously. If she found even a tiny mistake she made sure we'd got back the next day to correct it. She was very frugal and was the money manager of the family. Nothing got past her moneywise and she seemed to enjoy that job.
I think this transferred to her poker playing and led to many fiery arguments. I didn't like that and would disappear until it was over and everyone was speaking again. Just picture Grandpa, Uncle Frank, my father with his quiet sarcasm, my mother almost in tears and Grandma coolly putting up with it all since she loved to play -- as much as she loved watching boxing which was on a lot then. I couldn't figure that out but she wouldn't miss a match.
After all the poker "fuss" was over, late Sunday afternoon, we'd go upstairs where Aunt Betty and Mrs Roquet would have a feast prepared for all of us. They were saints but seemed to love doing this.
Also, I 'helped' Grandma cook, bake, even sew a little bit. She seemed to genuinely like doing all those things and didn't make anything seem like a burden.
Her positivity certainly must have helped her get through all the years of pain from horrible migraines to cancer and it's terrible treatments including radiation which was new and brutal and left her scarred on her chest which was in itself painful. She went to Boston for that because it wasn't yet available in NY! What a brave lady she was and never complained abut that or other difficulties physical, financial or otherwise.
She had tremendous faith and belonged to the 3rd Order of St Francis which was a lay group of Franciscans. In fact, she was buried in her Franciscan habit which her membership entitled her to. It was a great honor and I remember how special that was, since she wasn't a nun. It confused me to see her in a habit but that is what she wanted and was proud of.
After those long summers, I still was close to Grandma and always went on Sunday afternoons almost until I was in high school. I never spent any time watching the poker game though -- too noisy and with Frank and Grandpa, almost too physical!
So even in H.S., before I had an after school job, I'd take the bus to Caryl Ave and spend a couple hours with Grandma. I missed being with her and tried to stay in touch, even in college. She always made me feel comfortable and loved and was never "too busy" to spend time with me. What a gift!
I hope this gives you an idea of who she was, even though I'm not narrating anything specific, just her wonderful presence.
The best takeaway to me is to always try to be kind and calm because so many people, family or not, need that in their lives and that is not always easy to do or to find. May we all have an edition of our kind Grandma somewhere.
Love and peace to all,
Cousin Arline O.
Editor's note:
Third Order of Franciscans
